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whats up with me lately.It's not that im not happy because I am happy,I have nothing to not be happy about.I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me,a few friends to talk to,and Im going back to school.It seems either my stomach is upset or I have a headache a lot in the past month and I don't know why.I really need to go to the doctor to get a check up or physical.Some issues have come up with conversations with brian where it seems im not as sure of myself as everyone likes to think I am.I love my body and who I am and I don't think im ugly by any means.That issue only seems to come up when it involves a picture no matter how retarded that sounds.Theres so much going through my head right now,and I'm normally not one for writing in this because I don't really have much to write about.This entry is all over the place,so im sorry for whomever might read this.There will always be some paranoid thought in my head because of past relationships when things aren't perfect,Im always wondering if Brian's gonna leave me or if hes falling out of love with me,and if he'd tell me if he was.Now this is just beyond ridiculous because I know he loves me more than anything and shows me all the time.But for some reason every now and then the tone in his voice just makes me want to die inside because it feels,somewhat distant.Let me just say this is the hardest relationship i've ever worked at,mostly because it's long distance.Luckily he's moving back into his parents soon which means he isn't as far away and it's easier to hang out.But when little things are said or theres some type of arguement I think back to when he wanted to take a break,you have no idea how much that broke my heart.It was the worst month and a half of my life and I'd like to think we've made so much progess since then.I just know that I love that boy more than i've ever loved anything and if I seriously lost him I don't know what i'd do with myself.We've been together almost a year and thats a HUGE milestone for me,and him.
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Sunday, January 6th, 2008
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in love and it's ridiculously awesome.You just don't understand and even if I tried couldn't possibly express it with words or really anything else.I don't think i've quite possibly ever felt this way my entire life about anything.
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Sunday, January 28th, 2007
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You have my heart in your hands,you have my heart so dont let it go.
Umm i'm really falling hard for a guy named Josh.
Seriously,I havent liked a guy this much in almost 2 years.Hes so fucking sweet and awesome to me.
Like I dont care if anyone doesn't read this,but I just want the world to know im totally happy.
Nothing can bring me down from this high.
no one.
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Saturday, January 13th, 2007
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Soo I never write in this anymore,but no one read it anyways so it's word.
So basically 1st semester is technically over,and so is my fucking Senior Project.
That brought me so much un-needed stress but its okay now and I did good.
um still no man in my life.
Sort of like it that way,its fun to flirt and just have fun at my age.
No stupid ass boy to worry about.
Um so I suppose my life is pretty good right now.
I'll be 18 in 2 months and 20 something days,thats still weird to me but I'm still excited.
Graduation is close too,GROSS OUT!
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Friday, October 20th, 2006
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| Time: | 11:58 pm. |
| Music: | ying yang twins-shake. |
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w3rd.
i need friends.
i mean more friends.
that seems hard to find lately.
so is finding a man.
i mean I can just back track.
whatever thats life.
i do what i want.
fuck what other people have to say about my life.
im the one living it.
and oh im going to califorina this summer with Emily and Megg,I told my mom about it and she said"I think you're too young to go to CA by yourself",and I told her Im going to 18,and using mostly my own money soo there really isnt much she could do about it.
I wish parents would let their kids make their own decisions and mistakes,otherwise we'll never learn from them and shit.
Oh by the way,I like to dance and find any opportunity to do so,and do it.
you're jealous.
okay probably not but whatever.
OH and Notorious Bettie Page is a really good movie.
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Thursday, October 5th, 2006
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everything and everyone is getting really fucking lame.
It's just my mood.
and the fact I really dont give a flying fuck about much of anything anymore except my family,and a very select few of people.
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Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006
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Today was a good day,for no reason to be exact.It just was.I think for the fact I have nothing really bothering me lately well except for the fact I like someone again who i've dated in the past.And don't ask because unless you're a really close friend and I truely trust you I won't tell you.And it's none of your business.But I'm trying to not let that get to me and not just focus on him and keep my eyes open for other people.And I find this one boy who goes to weaver very attractive,but he isn't in any of my classes and I only see him in the parking lot.I think tomorrow I might compliment him on something to break the ice.I hope he doesn't think im a straight up douche.
Oh yeah and this came out today,which i've been waiting for since Christmas.
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Sunday, September 24th, 2006
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Sunday, September 17th, 2006
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Today on the way to work as I looked at the sky and saw how beautiful the day was and while listening to Cat Power,I really had an urge to go and stay outside all day.I want to go places i've never been and just lay there and do nothing.
So that made me decide im going to Reynolda Gardens in Winston to have a picnic with a people who want to join me.I think it's going to a very fun and peaceful day.
I'm going to start doing stuff like that more often.I need to start living my life and enjoying it more than I normally do.
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Saturday, September 16th, 2006
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I had to work today,and it actually wasnt bad.
I don't think I hate work as much as I used to,but the way as I look at it is im getting paid so it doesn't really matter if it sucks.
So some kid told me im socially odd the other day.
I don't really know how to take that.
Somewhat hes right,and somewhat hes wrong.
Sure I hate talking to most people,hell I hate most people.
Which is why i don't talk to them,or get to know many people.
It's really not a big deal to me Im quite fine with the very small group of good friends I have.
The only thing I do miss,is spending time with a boy.
No I don't really want to date a boy at the moment.
It's not what I need in my life,a relationship I mean.
I'm too busy with school and work for that.
and i'd just slack off,and this is my senior year that would be dumb.
but what's funny is I've found myself talking more to guys,and some of them are even my exs and no I don't mean"talking talking"to them.Thats just outrageous to think I would do.
Fall/Winter is going to bring something new and excited I can feel it,atleast I hope so.
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Wednesday, September 13th, 2006
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I'm a really amazing person,and if you don't realize that I'm really sorry for you.
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Thursday, August 24th, 2006
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| Time: | 1:53 pm. |
| Music: | Just cant get enough-New Radicals. |
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Yeah,I'm over that.
If that stupid boy can't see what hes giving up then fuck him.
So Weaver open house is tonight and the new neighbors next door are coming with us because the oldest boy(17)is going to Weaver 1-3 periods too.
I've never met him before,hopefully he won't be too stupid and actually gets me.
I hope so,because I could use a new friend,maybe even a boyfriend?
Who knows,he thinks hes "gangsta" but I mean I like some rap so?
Yeah anyways.School is tomorrow and I'm kinda stoked.
Mostly because I'm a fucking senior.
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Sunday, August 20th, 2006
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| Time: | 11:41 pm. |
| Music: | Does he love you?-Rilo Kiley. |
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He doesn't get it,and that makes me want to slap him.
But more importantly that dumb cunt needs to die.
Sup at jealously at it's full extent.
Whatever i'll find a boy who realizes how awesome I am.
Even if it takes days,months,years.
Anyways KWD was good last night,I still think the 3rd time was the best personally.
I want to start a Metal band where I scream and make animals noises and play air guitar,Megg will play air drums.Anyone for air bass?
I'm actually serious though.
School starts soon,not actually stoked about that.
Despite popular belief,I dont want to grow up.
Rilo Kiley makes everything better.
The End.
No one reads this.
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Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
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Fuck you Weaver for completely fucking up my senior year.
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My goal for this new school year,is to stop cussing as much as I do.
My mom says its probably the reason I don't have a boyfriend,unlikely its the sole reason but oh well.
Oh yeah I got my wisdom teeth removed Tuesday,yeah that sucked but I'm okay now.
Life is good,and I think I say that in every post and it's still true.
Although I do miss going out with my friends and acting like idiots like I used to.
I guess I'm some what growing up but still,gotta act like an ass every now and then.
I don't think anyone fucking reads this anyway but whatever.
On the other hand,I saw the Ricky Bobby movie last night and it's probably the funniest thing since You,Me&Dupree.Haha then again I think a lot of things are funny.
Um I'm excited for Accepted,and Employee of the Month which I think my friend Joe from NJ should come down and see that with me since we both love Dane Cook,and because we are both amazing people and deserve to hang out.
My arms hurt from typing that,if that isn't pathetic I don't know what is.
I've rediscovered:
Incubus
my old youtube account
Yeah that's about it.
Uh I start school August 25th and actually I'm pretty stoked.
and we're getting new neighbors to the left of us.They have two sons one my age and one 14.Should be interesting if you actually know me.
and another gross fact:I've been wearing these Victoria Secret sweat pants non-stop since last Sunday.I've washed them once since I got them.Yeah whatever they are comfortable.
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Thursday, July 27th, 2006
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| Subject: | Holla |
| Time: | 2:41 pm. |
| Mood: |  content. | | Music: | Modern Girls and Old Fashioned Men-The Strokes. |
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Yeah I got a new myspace,figures.
http://www.myspace.com/hellahanhan,add me if you want.
Anyways this summer is going well.
I'm actually anxious to start school for once,since I'm a senior and all.
That's still really weird to me,that im a senior and going to graduate soon.
Anyways life must go on.
But I dont think I'm ready to actually grow up,but who knows.
Anyways I need a man,no scratch that I would like a man.
But one who can actually keep me interested,because I get bored way too easily.
So anyways work isn't that bad anymore,but I'm still quitting in the fall.
six dollars an hour isn't cutting it.
Oh by the way I really like being a redhead and intend to stay that way no matter how dried out my hair gets haha.
Oh yeah and I get my wisdom teeth(all four)pulled out Monday,so people please come visit me and bring me things.
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I deleted my myspace
I'm pretty sure for good.I'm proud of myself.
Everyone else should too it's gotten boring and it's a waste of precious summer time.
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Thursday, June 29th, 2006
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Haha me and Shane are over.
Seriously relationships are over-rated.
I'm already hella flirting with boys again.
I guess it's how I cope.
This summer is fucking amazing.
I miss Lauren Ashley Lacava and wish she would return from Europe.
I made a new friend and he's really nice,and carries good conversations well.
And because of this,i've stayed up till atleast 4:30 am talking to him.
I don't mind it because I sleep till 12 or 1.
Being young is amazing,I wouldn't trade it for the world.
The other night I went dancing in the pouring rain without tops on with some of my best friends.
It was the most fun i've had in a while.
I'm happy.
Friday Megg is coming over and I'm really damn excited.
Because I'm inlove with her,seriously.
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| Time: | 11:13 am. |
| Music: | GBH-Big Women. |
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I went to Megg's,it was amazing.We ended up exploring her backyard and going to downtown Greensboro for a free show.It was a good time i'll tell you.Well besides one thing that pissed me off,but I cant just make people disappear.Anyways Me and Shane are officially dating now.I asked him out when we went out for dinner last Wednesday.I think he was surprised.Shit happened on Friday but we worked it out because we are in love.I saw Cars with Shane,Emily,Richard,Matt,and Amanda.It was a really cute movie.and sup at getting really rained on in high point?But yeah things are pretty fabulous.I have to leave for Work in 15 minutes,I fucking hate my job but it's decent money so whatever.Also I have 9 dollars to last me till Friday haha good luck with that one,oh yeah and a half a tank to last me till then too.So I'm not doing anything But Tuesday with shane and maybe tomorrow with Carly or something because I miss her.Friday I get paid(holla)and Megg is coming down because we are going to go to goodwill to shop for clothes to fix up because we want to be punk again.Haha it's amazing whether you agree or not.
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ashley is the best ever.
now that schools out, maybe
she will come see me & leave virginia beach.
<3
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